I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
