So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
