i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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