last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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