I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
