i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
