even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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