my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
