You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
