He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I deserve this hangover.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
