never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
