There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
