I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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