The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
