I think I am morally bankrupt
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
