you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
