the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
