Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
