Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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