Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
