I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
