This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
