you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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