He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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