You can't special order awesome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
