you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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