I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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