that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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