I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
