i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
