You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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