What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
