can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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