I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
