I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
