So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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