is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
