I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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