i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
