oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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