dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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