she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
