You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how drunk are you?
Several
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
