bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
