The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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