carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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