new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
