so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
