you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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