when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
