2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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